RSVP

Does anyone know what these four letters mean? Wikipedia states that they are French (Repondez sil vous plait) translated to "Please Respond". In more simple terms, RSVP can be short for "Restricted Seating Verify Participation". Hope that clears it up for everyone.

Myself, who loves to entertain and an invitation maker to boot, have thrown these letters out for over thirty years. In the beginning I put in the RSVP because I thought it was a classy thing to do. I knew that it would give some kind of count for a party to which I knew everyone invited would come. Those who didn't RSVP would show up with a platter of nuggets from Chick Fil A to add to my perfectly planned table and my guests would love them sometimes more than what I had prepared. That was fine and still is.

Later came the children's birthday parties. Again, to those I invited, knew that most would come. You would invite twenty-five and plan junk food accordingly and they would come. Those of you who had children in the mid to late eighties know that the birthday party was moving far beyond simple. No more cake, ice cream, paper hats and pin the tail on the donkey. The 90's began the birth of the mega party. This was the era of visits to McDonald's, Chucky Cheese, Putt Putt, bowling or a pool party. These were the simple ones that I'm proud I stuck to. Before my children were twelve years old they had been to parties which included limousine and pony rides to visits from live Barbie's or Barney. All these parties warranted a $10 gift. When planning, one could count on everyone attending. Who wouldn't? RSVPs continued to get a 50/50 response with calls from parents asking to have their child included.

When these children became teens, the real mega parties began. Event centers were rented and more were invited. The gift became $20 (cash please) and, of course, you knew if invited they would come. I know of many children whose parties were so large that the gifts could have paid for a good chunk of college. It seemed like such a racket and the RSVP was still taken lightheartedly. That was fine and still is.

As these now teenagers went from high school to college, the affairs intensified. Video montages were created to celebrate their lives and the parties became even bigger and better. To all the long suffering people who had been included in every birthday party, it was yet another present to buy. The negative RSVP's did roll in with gifts attached. My own two children graduated from HS within two years of each other and in the Spring of '10 will have graduated from college within two years of each other. How proud we are and just want to share our happiness with notification and an invitation to a cookout or something. You now hesitate to send these announcements as not to appear to be asking for a gift. So sorry to family and close friends who always get them. This time the event is more intimate (in my case) and there is still a 50/50 split on the RSVP. We know that these days will be acknowledged by all of you in your thoughts and prayers. We pretty much knew who would show up. This was fine.

In the summer of 2009 something new and wonderful happened here. The weddings of our son and my brother, all within thirty-three days of each other. The invitations were sent for even more elaborate functions. Cards with addressed, stamped envelopes were included or a phone number or email address for an event to take place six weeks away. To my horror there was still a 50/50 response. This was not fine.

As I tried to figure it out and asked about it, there are those who think that no reply means a negative response. Then there are those who think that they need not reply because the hosts will certainly know they will be there or those who live in far away places who assume that everyone should know that they are not willing to make the trip. This is not acceptable. If you receive a stamped return card six weeks before said event all you have to do is write your name, number attending, lick it and mail it. If you think something better will come up on that day, go ahead and get it over with and say you will not attend. When the RSVP asks for a phone call or e mail reply, do it! This is even easier. If you do not want to speak to the person who thought enough of you to include you in their special day, call during work hours or send an email which requires no physical contact whatsoever. Speaking as the person on the other end, your affirmation brings delight, your regret brings disappointment, but we understand. To disregard brings stress, bewilderment and a bit of anger.

We are talking major venues rented, sit down dinners, bands/DJ's and seating here. It feels like a slap in the the face when you ignore this distinctive day. Of course, I know that there are those of you who are extremely busy, we all are, and you may put the invitation away with good intentions. We all know that saved mail sometimes becomes lost mail. You have been given three weeks to reply, don't wait until the last minute. If you say you are coming and ultimately don't show up you are committing the biggest faux pas ever. Other than death or illness of you or anyone in your immediate family there is no excuse for changing your mind.

You will continue to get invitations to events of those you hardly know and those you know so well. Everyone deserves the same respect. For those you don't know that well, galas for children you have never met of co-workers to distant relatives to long lost friends may make you feel like your gift is needed or they need to fill seats to make them look popular. Whatever you think of it, remember that a beautifully designed announcement, envelope and stamp were purchased to put your name on and that was not cheap.

Gifts are not an issue. I can honestly say, in my house at least, no one talks about or makes lists of those who stiffed them. Back in the birthday party days however, I do remember taking my children to parties where the guest of honor only spoke to those deemed acceptable and knew there were those invited because their parents had the reputation of giving generous gifts. So uncool! No matter what you feel about the motive of an invitation, remember that you were thought of and the sender wanted nothing more than to share a special day with you.

If I have ever failed to RSVP, I apologize and am devastated. It will never happen again. As mentioned before, I first thought it took class to tack a RSVP on a card. I now know that the person with real class is the one who responds in a timely manner. My new definition of RSVP is Really Special Validate Please.