Dear Mr. Squirrel

Dear Mr. Squirrel,

I know you remember me, I'm the one who swerves my car when you stupidly cross my path. I'm the one who loves trees and completely honor your place in them. I know that I'm not that tolerant with your cousins "The Mice". I want them dead on sight. But, you know what rednecks they are. They come in uninvited, help themselves and poop everywhere!

I know it is rare that your family would come inside our home. You might visit the attic if there is ample opening. Loved your brother in "Christmas Vacation", he showed us how bad it could be if WE invaded your habitat.

You guys are not home invaders and, I appreciate that. I know that you think "The Hell with the Birds" when I put out food just for them. You know you are so cool that you can feast on anything in my lawn and there is nothing I can do to stop you. I can't go to "Lowes" or online and find anything that totally eliminates the Squirrel family. I know you all laugh when we put out voodoo methods such as moth balls, Irish Spring soap and cayenne pepper...... Or, we could shoot you. You know that would require having a marksman in every home and an arsenal because, you "Squirrel's" have no concept of birth control.

I have finally reached the boiling point with your Family's arrogance. They have knocked over and broken flower pots making such a mess in the process, dug up more plants than I can remember and, "Do you guys ever take a vacation?". You reek havoc every day of the year........

Today was the last straw. On Monday my mailbox area boasted some beautifully blooming pansies and emerging tulips. I went away for a few days for a minor surgery and, on Friday when I visited the area again your crew had dug up every single thing.

So, Mr. Squirrel be warned. I still may avoid hitting your family when they dance in front of my car simply because I don't want squirrel guts on it. However, if you ever enter the interior of my home you will be shot on the spot or clubbed. I may even hire professionals to eliminate your nests in every tree in our yard. And, believe me when something is invented that will take care of you for good.....I'll be first in line to buy it!

Sincerely,