More About the Royal Wedding

The wedding of William and Kate is now history. The cynics say good riddance as they feel bombarded by all the hoopla leading up to these nuptials for months and, rightly so. These people do not even live in our country or the countries of the millions of people who tuned in today. What is this fascination with the Royals?

I bet if you asked ten people, nine of them would be able to name most of the British Royal Family. You may say because news of them dominate our Television and Internet. How could one help not knowing? Which is true. Funny thing I know almost as much about Charles and Diana's wedding as I do William and Kate's.

This is amazing as at the first wedding in 1981 we only had TV, radio, newspapers and magazines to tell us about the events leading up to the big day. I recall the secrecy behind what gown Diana would wear, who did and did not get invited to the wedding, what food would be served and, on and on. Things did not change that much this go round.

I have no shame in admitting that I was completely wrapped up in both weddings. I watched and read tons about them. I think it is because it's a "Girl Thing" or, for "The Girls at Heart". What little girl has not heard a story of marrying a handsome prince? The British certainly know how to pull off a fairytale wedding.

Enough Plastic Please!

In this day and time, it is no longer a sign of success and wealth to have a wallet full of plastic cards. You know the ones.....They are the ones that let you buy anything you want as long as you don't exceed your limit. Then when that limit is exceeded you can get another to pay the balance and start all over again.

We hear stories daily of the devastation this practice has created and, I think everyone has wised up and knows how to use a Credit Card and the horrors of misuse. At least I hope so.

I'm talking about those other plastic cards which you probably have twice as many more of than the dangerous ones. Rewards Cards.

At last count I had over thirty of these mini pieces of plastic attached to my key chain. Other than being a huge burden to the little chain, it became impossible to find the correct one for the store I was in. Plus, never one to hurt any one's feelings, I always felt bad when the people at "Food Lion" saw that I had a card from "Harris Teeter".

Other than the grocery store ones that let you watch your savings roll at the cash register, the rest are pretty much useless. Oh sure, you get plenty of emails informing you of sales and occasionally some post office delivered mail with a coupon for something you never use but, there is absolutely no reason to carry them around. Especially when you can give your phone number and get the same benefits.

The whole process seems like such a waste of time and materials. You certainly don't have one for Wal-Mart or Target. High end department stores don't issue them but, if you have their REAL plastic card you can get some great deals.

I guess we have and will continue to live in a plastic world.

My Hat It Has Three Corners.......

"My Hat it has three corners, three corners has my hat and, had it not three corners, it would not be my hat". I still remember this song from my childhood at a time when "HATS" are really on my mind. I love hats and rarely wear one now. The ones I do wear are to keep my head warm and the sun off my face.

I think maybe I should have been born a Brit or an African American church lady as they seem to be the only groups who continue to wear decorative ones. At this time of The Royal Wedding, Easter and the "Bonnets" once associated with it plus, the Kentucky Derby, can't quit thinking about hats.

In the Middle Ages the church decreed that a lady's hair must be covered thus, began the woman's journey into the world of millinery. By the 18th century the art of creating head wear became a woman's profession. I wonder now if this might have been the first foray into females who worked outside the home. OK, we all know what the actual first one was.

In the years that followed elaborate hats were worn by the wealthy and those who churned butter wore bonnets. It was at the turn of the 20th century that the average woman dressed her head. The most common place to wear one was church. After the depression began the every occasion movement. I think that the everyday woman of the decades 30's through 60's use of chapeaus had something to do with the horrible hair styles they had. If you really think about it, the last time an average woman wore a hat came just after Jackie Kennedy's pink pillbox in 1963.

Sure there were the floppy ones of the 60's and 70's but, by this time the fancy hat had, once again, become a staple of the more glamorous and sassy. I'm sure the reason for this was the advent of hot rollers, blow dryers and really great hair color. Why on earth would a girl spend the time and money with these marvels only to cover up the result?

As I've said one group of women who still wear hats are Black church ladies. They are grandmothers now. Their daughters, like us White girls, spend a fortune to make their hair perfect and will most likely not be willing to mess or flatten it out. As for the Royals......How many 28 year old women still wear a hat with a feather on it to an event? Only in England. Another source for viewing a fine hat are worn by the wealthy women at The Kentucky Derby. Hats are now for the regal and wealthy but, I do see ads for them at a reasonable price. I wonder if the common hat will ever come back?

What Every Mother Should Teach Her Children......

We all know that a Mother is the woman who loves you, nurtures you, tries to teach you right from wrong and, will forever be your cheerleader. She may have disagreed with your decisions and, you with hers but, if you are blessed, you are each others' biggest fan.

Aside from "Share", say "Thank You", abide by the "Ten Commandments", don't do drugs, have unprotected sex or drink/text and drive, there are the eat your veggies and take a bath warnings that any great Mother will give.........

Here are just some other words of wisdom a Mom needs to relay to her children......

1. The money spent for your braces could have been a huge down payment for a new car. A fabulous gift. Wear your retainer, go to the dentist and, by all means, floss.

2. Don't ever go to bed without washing your face or, taking your makeup off. Wear sunscreen. When I was a kid it was called "suntan lotion" and we were the generation who invented "Skin Cancer".

3. Body piercings do grow back.....decide whether or not you want your 90 year old body to sport a wrinkled up version of a Unicorn or whatever tattoo seems right at the time.

4. If you loan a video, book or CD to a friend or acquaintance there is a 50% chance that you will ever get them back.

5. If you are in charge of something such as a gift or funeral arrangement from a group......chances are you won't collect from someone.

6. It would be wise to know something about plumbing, car maintenance and the work of an electrician. Even if there has been and always will be someone who takes care of these things for you, your decisions as who to hire will be much more intelligent if you know a little something.

7. Maintaining good relationships with immediate and extended families not only give you fodder for some great stories but, guarantee that there will be someone to help you when you're down.

8. The ATM is not the pot-of-gold at the end of the rainbow. You or, someone who is rich or really loves you has to fill it.

9. Feel blessed that you have a job or studying for a future. If either is not to your liking keep your displeasure limited to family, friends or, someone who can change it. NEVER let anyone seeking your services know you are unhappy. Trust me, they don't care.

10. No matter how hard you try to change it......You will always have some mannerism, quirk or, say something your Mother said that you swore you never would.

Mother's hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.

Running

I've done some really great things in my life. It's a good thing I feel that way because the things I consider great just make me a pretty typical person. No Nobel Prizes for me, it takes a tremendous amount of study for me to operate a cell phone or a computer, I haven't been on a mission to help a devastated country, I've never won an Academy Award or placed on American Idol but, I once was a runner.

Of course, I never went to the Olympics or the Boston Marathon. I wasn't good enough for them but, plenty good enough for me.

It all started in the late seventies when I was a newlywed and had such a desire to get in really good shape. At the time the Y was there and a new crop of fitness places had begun to spring up. Alas, they cost money which was not plentiful for a new bride whose husband was in college. So what was a formerly non-athletic girl to do? I was a klutz at tennis, couldn't swim that well and my prior life experiences proved that I was never going to be a star or a competitor in organized sports.

I can't remember why exactly I thought I could run when my running in grade school and HS gym classes placed me, most of the time, in last place. I think maybe I had seen on TV that Farrah Fawcett, Mick Jagger and a host of others "jogged". It seemed like such a cool thing to do.

So on a January day in '78 I went out and tried to run a mile around our apartment complex. My efforts were a bit pathetic at first but, by Spring I had persevered enough to branch out from my comfort zone and go further. By Summer, running was in my blood. By Fall, I was logging miles and, by Winter, weather was not an option for missing my daily run.

In the years that followed it was a known fact that I got up each morning early enough to run my ten miles before work. My husband, bless his heart, knew that on most weekends he would be hauling me to locations to watch and wait for me to run a race. Same went for family or friends who wanted to see me on a Saturday or Sunday.

I can still feel the joy of the "runner's high", a better pair of running shoes and, just the delight of being alone with my thoughts while doing something that felt good and was good for me. The movie "Chariots of Fire" came out during this time and I can still hear the music.

Now it's some thirty years later and, though I still consider myself a runner, I haven't done it so much for a really long time. My first pregnancy in 1985 slowed me down considerably as did subsequent pregnancies, motherhood and life in general. Of course, by then I was an athlete and found many great ways to stay in shape with two babies/children in tow. However, it became quite impossible to crawl out of bed and take off for a hour or so to be alone with my thoughts. I actually met other women who managed to do it but, it never quite worked for me. I had no doubt that one day "I WOULD BE BACK".

So, time went by and my children grew up and left the nest. The ultimate opportunity to regain my runner's mojo. It just wasn't that easy. By that time my exercise attempts had become much more sporadic, my body was a couple of decades older and, my feet were a mess. So, by the age of 50 I had given up hope of ever really running again.

Now, some six years later with the help of an Ipod (how did I ever run without one?), surgeries to correct my aching feet and, a sheer determination to get back out there; I am making strides. One of my "Bucket List" requirements is to drag my husband, children and maybe, grandchildren out there to watch me run a race. I think it could be possible as I feel that drive of 1978.

My, My, My, My...... Boogie Shoes.....

For the past twenty plus years being comfortable in a sexy pair of shoes has not been an option for me. I was determined to wear some at my son's wedding two years ago, I did and barely made it down the aisle and back. As I've said before, I got my Grandmother's horrible feet and, before I realized it I had run literally hundreds of miles, danced, jumped up and down and, wore some pretty bad shoes. Pretty mind you, just bad.

I am just off yet another procedure to take years off my feet and, envy all the women my age whose elective surgeries are to stretch out the skin on their faces. I marvel at women over 50, mostly on TV who wear three inch heels or higher. As Oprah once revealed, her great, sexy shoes carried her on stage and off.

Oh sure, I have a ridiculous amount of shoes with five pairs of them at most, wearable for extended periods. They are called AVIA, CROCKS, CLARKS and AEROSOLES. You certainly don't hear about a woman on the "RED CARPET" saying that her shoes are NATURALIZERS.

Since my feet have gone from that of a ninety year old woman to ones of a lady at least a decade younger (which kind of sucks for someone in her fifties); I recently went shopping for new shoes. Shoe stores are still the same. Really cute shoes that look horrifically painful to comfortable ones that are hideously ugly. A couple of years ago I had heard that COLE HAHN had teamed with NIKE to create a sexy shoe that wouldn't hurt one's feet. Of course, they were very expensive so they didn't take off because of this or the fact, it is always torture for a woman to wear high heels.

Who was the actual person who created the high heel? And why are women the ones who have to wear them? Is this again because of what you did..........EVE? Whatever, the reason, enjoy the time in your "Boogie Shoes".

Spring and Fall

If you poll 100 people from NC as to what their favorite season of the year is, ninety percent, I'm sure, would say Spring or Fall. Of course, they are beautiful seasons and so deserve this distinction but, around here are becoming such a rarity.

You can be mowing the grass, watering flowers and, wearing shorts one day and be shoveling snow the next. Then you can be sitting on the sofa under a blanket and twenty four hours later flipping the switch for the AC.

I figure we get about three good weeks of Spring around here. A time we can open the windows if we enjoy having the yellow dust come in. We can go through the day being comfortable in whatever we decide to wear. If we have sunroofs or convertables it is the perfect time to use them. This all gives us electric and gas bills for one month where the total cost is like pocket change compared to the frightening ones of the past ninety days. If we refuse to wait until after Memorial Day to wear white slacks we may as well forget them for casual affairs because it will be way too hot. Planting flowers and working in the yard is a pleasant delight.......but, don't blink, it goes entirely too fast.

We also get three good weeks of Fall where the same delights we find in our three weeks of Spring hold true. Open windows, shruken utility bills and the joy of being comfortable outside. If it weren't against the law to wear white after Labor Day, we could enjoy all these clothes that are too hot for Summer again.

Lets see.....there are twelve months in a year, four seasons and fifty-two weeks. Around here we get three weeks of Spring, three weeks of Fall, twenty-three weeks of Summer and, twenty-three weeks of Winter. That doesn't seem right.

Finding a Date

I have been happily out of the dating game for over 34 years and, before that, I was just a kid. Back then your dates came from those you knew from school, church or work. There were friend "referrals" and you could cruise bars in the quest to find the perfect mate. Of course, I wasn't aware of anyone who had lost their spouse or significant other by death or divorce in middle age and, I suppose, back then the above mentioned places were the only options possible to, again, find love.

There were the personal ads, a concept dating back to the thirties. I think they were viewed as a desperate and not well thought out.

Enter the Internet, chat rooms and, the businesses that became empires just to hook people up. Flash forward thirty years when my friends divorced or widowed are well into middle age. What to do? Sure they can troll bars when they haven't been in one in decades. They may have spent more than a few Sunday's absent from church. They work with a group of people who are married or not of the same sexual orientation. They've long been out of school. And, it becomes harder for them accept friend recommendations. They don't want to hurt any one's feelings..........So, you Baby Boomers seeking a date, you are blessed. It is now much easier to find one.

I have numerous friends and family members who are happily in a relationship because of a chat room, dating site and, now Facebook. In our age chocked with gadgets to make our lives easier, why wouldn't we go online to build and develop a relationship?

You can't lie about your age, height, weight or hair color. You can't falsely deem yourself a millionaire, athlete or a god in general if you ever want to meet the person you've been talking to face to face. It won't take long to figure it out. You will know if they are educated because a complete butchering of the English language or being too stupid to know that there is "Spell Check" will be a dead giveaway by the notes you've written. And, let's face it, do you really want to meet someone who doesn't know their way around cyber space?

I saying to all of you "Boomers" seeking love again, E X E R C I S E your options. Getting to know someone through written words seems like the perfect thing to do. You can do the prep work at your leisure and, when you obligate yourself to a meeting you already so much about the person.

I am certainly not saying this is the fool proof way to find true love. If my husband and I filled out profiles, chances are that we would not be a match. However, signing up gets you that much closer to finding the perfect one. Just do it!

It's Pushing Me Over the Top!

My husband's big joke is that if he dies of mysterious circumstances, check me out first. This is because of my love of true crime novels and movies. Yes, I have learned from Velma Barfield and Blanche Taylor Moore that a sprinkle of arsenic each day can lead someone to an unmerciful and possibly undetected death. Don't fear dear.....I swerve to miss a squirrel and, I hate them. I'd rather have you than the insurance money, you are a wonderful husband and, I don't have a honey on the side. You are safe!

However, the condition of our garage is pushing me over the top. For a man whose dress and grooming is immaculate, who cleans up his dishes, NEVER leaves dirty clothes on the floor and makes the bed, I am now wondering if you might just have some hoarding tendencies. The garage is not the only place where I evidence this but, it's the place I use too.

Through our years of marriage we've learned to accept that I am anal, compulsive and, orderly. We've also learned to accept that you need an extra closet, a room and a drawer in kitchen that I am not allowed to clean or organize.

In the days when our children were small and there were bicycles, sporting equipment and dirty shoes littering our garage, I was fine as long as I could get my car in. I learned to live with the rakes, blowers, paint, chemicals and, everything associated with the upkeep of a house, lawn and car. Of course, I would go in as I was allowed and weed out things that weren't used anymore. My biggest mistake there was taking a six month pair of LL Bean men's boots to Goodwill. I'll never live that one down.

Unbelievably, our garage of 15 years ago looked 10 thousand times better than our present one. Our children are grown and gone so there are no more soccer balls or scooters.

But, we still have the "BAG" chairs that were a staple of any household when we bought them over a decade ago. They haven't been used in at least five years. Why would I save the dirty worn out things when if I ever need one again, I'll rent it?

Why would you have a car ramp and oil change equipment when you now take your car to the professionals for maintenance? We pay a lawn service to do all the weeding, seeding and the really big projects so, why do we need an commercial leaf blower, weed whacker and a aerator? Not to mention a stump removal compound that has a sticky price label on it. Think about how long they've been scanning bar codes.

It is a given that I don't have the patience to paint a room badly. The last room you painted was a masterpiece but, it took weeks to complete and, you hated every minute of the task and everyone knew it. So, why do we have a floor to ceiling cabinet with paint supplies when we have long since turned this chore over to "Small Business" owners. We have wallpaper hanging equipment when we've spent the past ten years tearing down the wall coverings we once thought so great.

I will not begin to touch on the fact that we probably have 100 screw drivers, 20 orange extension cords and 10 pairs of work gloves. And, why do we have the parts from a AC unit that has been replaced?

We have discussed and, I've vetoed a storage shed. I see it is something ugly sitting in the yard to house all the things you can't part with. I see a shed as something our children will eventually have to haul away. You know as well as I do, this really disrupts your schedule. Do we want this for them?

HOWEVER........You have fixed and put together things better than the pros. You, for years, changed the oil in the cars and, kept them looking good and running for at least ten years. We have never had to call a plumber. You even do electrical work and, these are just a few or your talents. For these, I know you needed tools.

So Dear.......You are about ten years away from "real" retirement but, it's now safe to assume your time is worth more than the cost of hiring a contractor. You've grown bored with these tasks.

If we could just go to the garage, you tell me what things you are willing to part with. Plus, give me a really good reason as to why you can't. I will haul it all away on my back, if necessary.

And, I promise you won't find any "Anti-Ant".

Computer Setbacks

Let's get this straight.....until I was in my thirties, I had never touched a computer. Oh sure, I could type and word process with the best of them. I could set tabs and do all the things needed to write in the late eighties. It was at this time that my new career became "Stay At Home Mom" and my job description changed. It was a good thing too because the "Mouse" that had recently been introduced proved to be quite a challenge.

I sailed through the early nineties doing the Mom thing and relying on a word processor to tap out things that needed to be typed. Business letters and formal correspondence were about the only things I needed it for. My writing was done with pen and paper. The newsletters I did for the kid's schools and clubs I was in were a literal cut and paste effort. Plus, God blessed me with amazing penmanship. So I was going to be just fine.

I am married to an engineer so of course, I had heard the words Lotus, Microsoft and DOS. Apple was still a fruit.

There was a computer in our house from '88 to '95 when it was a thing I dusted and grumbled about all the books and cords associated with having one. I absolutely had no idea why we had floppy disks. Any conversations I was exposed to of this nature may as well have been in Chinese. I really didn't need to know any of this.

I suppose it was about '95 when my children were 8 and 10 and, I knew their games, school work and the direction they were going far exceeded "TROUBLE", spelling words and anything I had ever known. Plus, I was entering a "professional" world again and my tried and true methods of communication were looking much less polished.

Little by little, through the end of the decade I was learning to produce documents. I could create a newsletter using "Print Shop", have a resume on file and, even email my friends. I had no idea as to why I was able to do this because my "Better Half" made it all possible. I was entering the new millennium and I knew everything I thought I would ever need to about a computer.

It worked well for me the next five years. I was working outside the home and any program I needed to use, I could handle. Which took me to the end of 2005.

Then it became essential that I learn so much more. Cutting and Pasting went from something that just popped on my screen to something I needed to do to make my work better. I had, as I thought, conquered the world of fonts and, was a whiz at changing the size or adding some color. I could make my own greeting cards, bank/pay bills and, I even learned to scan. I was truly on top of things. Or so I thought.

Through this time the technical side of my mostly artistic brain was bombarded with a cell phone I was not adept at using, remotes on my TV and entertainment equipment that I couldn't begin to fathom what all the buttons were for. Plus, I needed to read a manual to operate a new Washer/Dryer. Gone were the days when there was simply an ON/OFF switch. I was getting along just fine being 95% computer illiterate until the day it all changed.

I suppose it was early '09 when my son was getting ready to get married that it hit me; I needed to know more about this computer that I was on every single day. I was put in charge on making programs for the wedding. My fonts, colors and organization of my documents needed a major overhaul for this task and through the Spring and Summer I worked on a better delivery. My questions to my husband and children began to sound more intelligent than hopeless.

I was quite proud of the programs I ultimately created with the guidance of my future daughter-in-law. Then came the wedding.....one of the absolute greatest days of my life and the pictures that came with it had to be shared with everyone I knew whether they were at the wedding or not. Sadly, at this point, I was unable to transfer images from my camera to our computer.

After I conquered this obstacle, I could email them to everyone. Then I realized that I could only send a few at a time and, I had learned by this point that no one wants all the bytes/clutter coming in. Then it was suggested that I go on Facebook and send them that way. Facebook, another long story, was something my kids did. I figured that the only people who would see them would be their friends as I certainly didn't know anyone over 30 using this medium. Wrong again!

So, I signed in and the rest is history...my love of Facebook and all the joy it's given me. Again, I was so content with all I knew........Then, late that year, I got a gift that changed my life. My own laptop.

Such a precious gift that I wanted to know everything I could do to keep up and running. There were tremdous hits and misses but, since that day I have this blog and another one, a website and, although I had done some on-line shopping, I'm now a pro at it. I've have even finally taken courses to enhance my skills.

Of course, if left to my own devices, I could not buy and assemble a desk top or even get a printer up and running without a GEEK squad but, I no longer think that I know all that I need to know. I am really looking forward to what the next ten years will bring.

Dirty Jokes

When I was a kid on a elementary school playground in the sixties I was only aware of one dirty joke.

"I don't drink, cuss or smoke" but,
damn, I left my cigarettes at the liquor store!"

I can honestly say I was well into my teens before I heard another one. Let's face it, in the sixties the only stand up comedians you saw were the ones on TV and in the movies. And, at that time, it was all very G-rated. It was probably until the end of the decade until anyone had access to a comic who crossed the line into risque.

I just googled who were/are considered the greatest stand-ups of all time. Number 1 was Lenny Bruce. Although when he performed I was only a kid and he wasn't on TV or in the movies so I missed his act. I now know of his comedy as his legacy, obviously, continues some almost 50 years after his death. His work was quite naughty, enough to get him arrested for obscenity charges. If the kids on the playground had had the opportunity to hear him back then, the dirty jokes would have been much better.

As I began to write this my premise was to be based on a Comedy Show I saw just last night which I found somewhat vulgar and offensive and, how though funny at times, I wondered if it was possible to be a successful stand-up without being a bit randy and cutting edge. Then I checked the list.

Number 2 was Richard Pryor followed by Woody Allen, Mort Sahl, Buddy Hackett, George Carlin, Eddie Murphy, Richard Lewis, Robin Williams and Rodney Dangerfield. Anyone born prior to 1980 have probably heard all of them. After 1980, maybe three or four. As you can see, all of these guys acts always had shock value. A trait essential for a comedic great. I've attached the list of the top 100 and it makes it clear what a professional in this field has to do to be great.

To all the aspiring comics out there, it is important to appall, astound, agitate and, perhaps disgust. If you have the proper delivery you can do it all without being crass.