My husband's big joke is that if he dies of mysterious circumstances, check me out first. This is because of my love of true crime novels and movies. Yes, I have learned from Velma Barfield and Blanche Taylor Moore that a sprinkle of arsenic each day can lead someone to an unmerciful and possibly undetected death. Don't fear dear.....I swerve to miss a squirrel and, I hate them. I'd rather have you than the insurance money, you are a wonderful husband and, I don't have a honey on the side. You are safe!
However, the condition of our garage is pushing me over the top. For a man whose dress and grooming is immaculate, who cleans up his dishes, NEVER leaves dirty clothes on the floor and makes the bed, I am now wondering if you might just have some hoarding tendencies. The garage is not the only place where I evidence this but, it's the place I use too.
Through our years of marriage we've learned to accept that I am anal, compulsive and, orderly. We've also learned to accept that you need an extra closet, a room and a drawer in kitchen that I am not allowed to clean or organize.
In the days when our children were small and there were bicycles, sporting equipment and dirty shoes littering our garage, I was fine as long as I could get my car in. I learned to live with the rakes, blowers, paint, chemicals and, everything associated with the upkeep of a house, lawn and car. Of course, I would go in as I was allowed and weed out things that weren't used anymore. My biggest mistake there was taking a six month pair of LL Bean men's boots to Goodwill. I'll never live that one down.
Unbelievably, our garage of 15 years ago looked 10 thousand times better than our present one. Our children are grown and gone so there are no more soccer balls or scooters.
But, we still have the "BAG" chairs that were a staple of any household when we bought them over a decade ago. They haven't been used in at least five years. Why would I save the dirty worn out things when if I ever need one again, I'll rent it?
Why would you have a car ramp and oil change equipment when you now take your car to the professionals for maintenance? We pay a lawn service to do all the weeding, seeding and the really big projects so, why do we need an commercial leaf blower, weed whacker and a aerator? Not to mention a stump removal compound that has a sticky price label on it. Think about how long they've been scanning bar codes.
It is a given that I don't have the patience to paint a room badly. The last room you painted was a masterpiece but, it took weeks to complete and, you hated every minute of the task and everyone knew it. So, why do we have a floor to ceiling cabinet with paint supplies when we have long since turned this chore over to "Small Business" owners. We have wallpaper hanging equipment when we've spent the past ten years tearing down the wall coverings we once thought so great.
I will not begin to touch on the fact that we probably have 100 screw drivers, 20 orange extension cords and 10 pairs of work gloves. And, why do we have the parts from a AC unit that has been replaced?
We have discussed and, I've vetoed a storage shed. I see it is something ugly sitting in the yard to house all the things you can't part with. I see a shed as something our children will eventually have to haul away. You know as well as I do, this really disrupts your schedule. Do we want this for them?
HOWEVER........You have fixed and put together things better than the pros. You, for years, changed the oil in the cars and, kept them looking good and running for at least ten years. We have never had to call a plumber. You even do electrical work and, these are just a few or your talents. For these, I know you needed tools.
So Dear.......You are about ten years away from "real" retirement but, it's now safe to assume your time is worth more than the cost of hiring a contractor. You've grown bored with these tasks.
If we could just go to the garage, you tell me what things you are willing to part with. Plus, give me a really good reason as to why you can't. I will haul it all away on my back, if necessary.
And, I promise you won't find any "Anti-Ant".
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